Thursday, December 22, 2011

SUIT UP!

Well folks, it's that time again. Time to go to Peru. I love Peru, and am excited to go. But guess what, next time I travel someplace, it better not be Peru. In any event, we are all excited. Don't forget to follow my adventures in Peru at www.peaksandpitfallsinperu.blogspot.com

It's been hectic getting everything together for the trip, not to mention getting Malu through finals and moving out of our apartment.


AS fun as this post is, halfway through, I ran out of time and moved to Peru for four months, just go to my other blog. This was just going to talk about a show that I started watching that I like called "How I Met Your Mother".
I just thought it was interesting that a few months ago I mentioned my casual interest in the show and my intention to watch it eventually to both my sister and my buddy Shane, neither of which had watched it. These were isolated and fleeting instances. Then a few weeks ago, seemingly simultaneously, we all watched all of the seasons on netflix. Interesting no?

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

7 Guilty Pleasures

Life is been good.
The Peru trip is upon us, and that means that I'll soon be shifting back to the PERU BLOG
and lets face it, you would all prefer that anyway.
The night job will end in 12 more working days.... sweet. I like my job, but it messes up your life when you can't sleep when everyone else does.
Having to leave this apartment is a bummer. It was big, it was cheap, it was good times.
bla bla bla, on to the meat of the blog,

Guilty Pleasures

1) The Voice. This show has such important personalities as Christina Aguilera and Carson Daily. (That WAS sarcasm). But I couldn't help myself. Malu started watching it for some reason, and the first few episodes I found heavy on the gay personalities and was not really that impressed with some of the contestants. But somehow, I was drawn in. There was the seemingly necessary token person from Utah, there were some people I loved to hate, and the judges were funny and sniped each other. I found myself rooting for Javier Colon, a guy who sang an amazing version of Time After Time. (I have dubbed him, Javier, "El Angel" Colon).

2) Gangsta (you know I'm legit because I don't spell it 'gangster') music. (Or rap, or hip-hop, or whatever). I admit. I like it. I blame Shane R and Casey Harrison for corrupting me at a vulnerable and easily influenced period of my life ;). In any event, there it is.


3) Ceviche. It's raw fish, in lemon juice. Don't ask me why it's delicious, it just is. Now the real question is this: How did the Peruvians find a way to ruin the ever glorious potato by turning it into chuno, which is disgusting, but also manage to make something gross, like raw fish, palatable? It beats the heck outta me.

4) Techno. I really can't explain this, moving on.

5) Dragon Ball Z. This is like a really long, really repetitive, soap opera geared towards children and with all of the protagonists having ridiculous hair. All the same, I will always have a soft spot in my heart for Vegeeta. And Piccolo. It may have taken several episodes for anything to happen, but as a 13 year old, I had plenty of free time weekday afternoons in the bustling metropolis of Fruitland, so I didn't mind.


6) Kittens. honestly, they are sooooo cute. I can't deny that I am basically unable to resist petting them and using a cute voice with little cats.


7) The Vagrant. This movie is pretty bad. Just ask The Rage and Politicchic. It is an early 90's movie. It is something along the vein of The Burbs or Beetlejuice, except arguable worse than either of those classics. I forced my group of peeps to watch it this Halloween and it was not too well received. I like it anyway.

Well, there you have it, some guilty pleasures. I have more, and will likely share them at some point. I think that you should post a few of your own guilty pleasures in the comments. (Those 2 of you who read this).

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

I prefer to think of myself as a book terrorist...


If you know Michele, you probably get her update. If you get her update or follow her facebook status, you will know that I have been accused of engaging in Halloween mischief in leaving random books around her house. If you know either of us, you will easily believe this is something I would do. And yes, it is true. However, I am not a fan of her new term, the "book fairy". I would like to think of myself as a book terrorist, or even a book freedom fighter. It was a fun joke, but I can't lie to Michele very well (as she pointed out) so I merely had to be asked by her to be caught. In any event, the prank was supposed to be much better, but I misheard when they were going to church, and so instead of finding an empty house at 10 am Sunday morning, imagine my chagrin at finding Alan and little fatty awake and alert. It wasn't a total loss, however, because Alan likes mischief also and so we were able to give Michele a few moments of confusion for my trouble. For those of you who don't get Michele's update, this is what she had to say about her suspicions:

The Book Fairy
Yesterday the most interesting thing happened. I had my quarterly stewardship interview with the Bishop and when I got home, I noticed there were random books on the bookshelves that weren't there previously. These books were as auspicious as a Ted Kennedy biography and some crazy African American books (black lit, if you don't want to be pc about it), and upstairs new books (one of them a spiritual diet manual... a hint?) of a similar caliber. Immediately, I demanded to know how these books appeared. Alan wouldn't budge, but his twinkling eyes revealed that he knows more than he is letting on, though he claims he isn't responsible. I often state that with my interest in true crime and mystery novels, I could have been a detective... so Alan challenged me to solve the case of the Book Fairy. Unfortunately, my only witness has a limited vocabulary. I can't wait till Squirmy can talk and tell on his dad! But here is what I have so far. Jason and Malu... with Alan's help. Jason is the obvious choice because he has motive (the constant desire for pure mischief), means (I'm actually not sure about this, but judging from the titles, these must have been books that Border's decided to give away because they couldn't sell them at 90 % off), and opportunity (Alan took Jason and Malu home one evening from an outing and there could have been a book hand off, very easily). If it WASN'T Jason and Malu... I have a few other options, but I will be seeing Jason this evening, and he is a horrible liar, so it will be quite easy to tell if he is the Book Fairy.


Anywho, Halloween was a good time this year. Malu and I accompanied Alan to his work party at Adobe, which ended up being a really long haunted house type affair where there were really nifty sections that depicted things like Harry Potter and Narnia. It was cool. The line to get in was long, but while in line I got to touch two seperate boas and hold a big tarantula and a huge emperor scorpion, plus I got two eat two large things of cotton candy, so I can't complain. We also went to the Mesa Vista Halloween party, and it was good times. We took 70 Frankenstein cupcakes that Malu got from work, and made a huge mess, but it was fun nonetheless.
And finally, I convinced Rage, Michele and company to watch "The Vagrant", a quirky comedy horror from the late 80's that was GREAT. They all hated it, but oh well, I got a kick out of it.
Malu and I dressed up as a Vampire and his victim, a maid. I thought it was pretty good for a total of 30 bucks for both of us. Too bad my teeth are too little for my fangs to stick to:(.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

I've been a slacker.

Folks.

I'm sorry. It seems like I don't hardly blog anymore.
This is true. I have been preoccupied with the LSAT up until a week ago and now I'm scrambling to get my applications in. But let me tell you what, you haven't been forgotten. I will post more. I'm sure of it. Finishing the LSAT was like turning the pillow over and laying my head upon the cool side. It's a relief. I will likely take it again in December, and I won't know my score till the end of the month. But it's behind me. Thank goodness.

I'll actually write something semi entertaining next time.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Where have I been?




Well folks, it's been a long time. What have I been up too you ask?? Well, mostly studying for the Law School Admissions Test... otherwise known as the LSAT. It's not much fun, and frankly, I'm going to need a ridiculous score to get into the school that I want to, so no worries.

Also, I went on an overnight backpacking trip with Malu, Zack, Shane, and my former employer Mike and his dog Blue. As you can see from the photos. It was awesome except for the mosquitoes. They were not fun. Malu claims it will never happen again, we'll see. The Uintah Mountains really are my favorite mountains.

And what else? well, every spare moment I've had online has been devoted to something pretty awesome. If you've never heard of Schlock Mercenary , you're missing out on some pretty awesome webcomic action. It's self described as a "Comic Space Opera" and it is written by a fellow named Howard Tayler. He's from Utah, surprisingly enough, and another thing of note is that I believe it is the longest continuous running daily webcomic in existence. That's over 10 years of daily comic genius... so hats of to Mr. Tayler. Do yourself a favor and invest countless hours clicking your way through the tales of Schlock, Cap. Tagon, and Company as they kill, extort, and blow up many different wonders of the galaxy (all for a fair price of course).

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

This is something I think we can all appreciate:

I made this for the world. Maybe I'll put in on a T-Shirt. I feel myself pretty clever about it.



Also.... THIS IS THE 100TH POST!!!
So in celebration.
Thanks to:

Joe,
Smithfieldman,
and
Politicchic.


You're the only people who read this anymore.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Maybe

Maybe having free time isn't all that fun.

I find that sleeping most of the days away and working most of the nights is exceedingly dull. Maybe I'm too used to working 2 jobs and school, but now that I have afternoons to do nothing, I am at a loss. I read, I go to the gym. Occasionally I'll run somewhere, but all in all, not a lot going on. For this reason there has been a shortage of posts.

I need to find a new job.

I need to take the LSAT.

I need to study for the LSAT

....

but, guess what I'd :like to do?

I want to write a book.

I want to go on a cruise in the Caribbean.

I want to have more married friends who live close and who are cool.



Alas. We don't always get what we want.


In any event, so that this post isn't a total waste, here's another video to add to the segment of "Great Songs With Less Than Exemplary Videos" :

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Kindly point your rapture in the other direction

Well, It has now been the 22nd for two hours, and I haven't been swept up to heaven. Since I am pretty sure that I'm among the MOST RIGHTEOUS, we'll have to assume that the dude who said the rapture was going to happen was wrong again.

This is been declared the "Summer of Jason", and I am enjoying the relative lack of nothing to do. I spend my days reading, watching tv, eating junk food, or going to the gym. And working. But you know, just one job and no studies is no big deal.

Ans lastly, here is a nifty slide show found at the Royal Geography Society Website that you should check out. This makes me want to travel so much.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-13295855

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Why?

That is the question I found my self asking as I pounded through thirteen miles of Provo last Saturday. Why? I don't love running. I am not a gifted runner. I never ran in high-school. In fact, I never ran until I started my mission, and in the MTC is the first place that I can ever recall for running for the fun of it. So why, with no prior experience, would I decide to up and run a half marathon? I don't know, but it was not a bad experience. I wish I would have used the bathroom beforehand, because I really needed to pee the whole time. And I wish that I hadn't carbo-loaded on Papa John's pizza the night before, because the sausages are just plain wicked for running. But in hindsight, it was pretty fun. I rubbed the skin off of my pinky toe the Tuesday before the run in preparation, but it behaved pretty well during the 1/2 Marathon. Gluch also ran, and it was good times. My time was 1 hour 59 minutes, and my goal was under 2 hours, so success for me. Here are a few pictures of the blessed event.
http://www.zazoosh.com/members/viewGallery/4498


I realized as I ran though that I'll never have the testicular fortitude to run a full marathon, that's just too much.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Time goes by.

It's April 30th, I look out the window, and I see... Snow?!?! C'mon!. It's supposed to be warm already. Why is it that Utah has to be so schizophrenic when it comes to weather? I needed to run 10 miles today, but it looks like I will have to wait till Monday. Why run at all you ask? Well, I kind of signed up to run a half marathon. I figured it would put me on my way to finishing a bucketlist item. But now, it snows. I hope it doesn't snow next week, that's the half marathon day.
I am done with school for now, and there is a void. I don't rightly know what to do with myself. I read a lot, and have watched a lot of Seinfeld. I wonder if this is what being unemployed is like somewhat. I am employed, but I don't feel like I'm doing anything if I am not pulling full a full course load with 2 jobs I guess. I cleaned the house though. Seems like I always do that when I have a life transition that involves downshifting. After my mission, I cleaned the heck out of my parents house for a while. If I had lived there more than a month, I may have even cleaned the attic and dusted all my legos... who knows? I have also watched some craptastic movies. Just for the record, GI JOE really sucks. It's like they found every class B actor that wasn't the awesome Bruce Campbell, and stuck them in there. REALLY.CRAPPY.ACTING. Plot, dialogue, everything was pretty bad. Ray Park was cool though, no speaking lines, as usual.
Stupid snow. I looked outside again and it snowed at least two inches. That means scraping off the ol' car. I think that I will move to Florida. Hurricanes are worse though. Maybe California? Nope, Earthquakes. Hmmm... Well. I'm open to suggestions. Let's here where I could find an ideal climate without some crazy natural disaster.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

My last 3 or so years in one place...

Want to see what I have been up to in school? Here's your chance to see all of the things that I have had my little fingers in since I declared Print Journalism as my major:

http://jasonsweat.weebly.com/

Monday, April 11, 2011

It needs to be said...

Here is a book I'm writing:



Lets just say that I love Star Wars and Indiana Jones, and even American Graffiti. That being said, my love of all things Lucas started to wane in 1999. This was the year that The Phantom Menace was released. Don't get me wrong, I'm a sucker for anything that has Liam Neeson in it. Throw in my boy Samuel L and now we're talking. Also, Darth Maul is undoubtedly the the quickest Sith ever and he is pretty darn cool. (I'm a big fan of Ray Park, and his work). All that aside, a little character named Jar Jar Binks was introduced. Nuff said about him. Other things that were hard to swallow were the ever more ridiculous "princess/queen hair doos" and Little Orphan Annie. I mean, come on, I can understand wanting to highlight the slip from innocent and good to dark and evil in Ana-kin Skywalker... But Annie?

Lets step back a bit. The original Star Wars are hands down the best movies ever. But most people don't know that the best two (IMHO) The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi, were directed by Irvin Kershner and Richard Marquand respectively. WHAT??? So it wasn't Lucas who directed the best Star Wars? Hmmm....

Indiana Jones? Directed by Steven Spielberg. And here we arrive at the grain of the matter. LUCAS, PLEASE STOP KILLING CLASSICS IN ORDER TO MAKE MORE MONEY! I can only imagine that is why you decided to do the prequel. I like a lot of things about the first three movies, but there are some parts that bring me to tears ... of sadness for how cheesy it is. For example, newly assembled Darth Vader falling to his knees and yelling,... you know what? I can't even write it. You all know what happened. And I trust you were as disgusted as I was. There is a long list of these things, but it pains me to recall them so you can just think of them yourselves.

Back to Indiana Jones: What. The. H@#$. I generally pretend that the latest Indiana Jones movie was never made. It's bad on so many levels. Spielberg, Lucas, let it go. I really frown on Shia LeBeouf making an appearance in any story dear to me (Like Transformers). There is a time when it's OK to revive a storyline long dead. Like TRON, nobody really cared about that, so it was all fine and dandy to drag it out of the dusty closet. But not Indy, and not Star Wars. I felt that the worst thing that was to done to Star Wars was the Clone Wars Animated Series, which I checked out from the Provo library and didn't even make it through the first disc. I'm not talking about the 2003 animated series, which was sweet, but the 2008 3D computer animated series, which sucked.

I could go on and on, but then you wouldn't buy my book, so I'm stopping here.








I can't help myself. Here is a few flash words of why I try to pretend there is no such thing as Indiana Jones 4:

Aliens
Vine Swinging
Communists?
Refrigerator/Nuke
Mariachi
Old People

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Cha Ching$$$



Last Friday, my antics and extravagant Saya Costume finally paid off. Malu and I won the "Most Creative Display" at a BYU internship contest and I am glad to say that it's a cash prize. That means that we are slightly less impoverished than before. Big news, I know. On a side note, the film contest for Global Citizens for study abroad (which I was way more involved in that I had originally anticipated, went well. Here are most of the videos, there are two that I can't find:
Mariah Proctor:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbTJFeP-ERI

Jared Holloway
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9R53qMyS8o

K Bryce Larson (second place)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCHe-0SNCS4


Justin Mendoza
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jr4VRW_Avuo

Natalie Raines (Third place winner)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DF0q4Lyn64

Joe Robins (First place)
http://www.youtube.com/asianjoe

Todd Robins
http://www.youtube.com/zhoujunzhe

Lani Harris
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gQXEdZ_bPE




My favorite was Asian Joe's, that is to say, Joe Robins. Well, it was fun while it lasted.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Limerick contest

I recently read a newspaper that had a St. Patrick's Day Limerick contest. There were some pretty lame ones, and one about Jimmer Fredette.

Here's mine:

There once was a man named Fredette,
all balls that he touched passed through net,
but as he walked by,
his hand glanced off my fly,
standing close to him now I regret.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Funny Batman

Sorry I haven't posted. I've been occupied.
Real fast:
*Dancing Shirtless
*LSAT Practice
*Apartment Hunting
*Squirmy Torturing
*Futurama
*Contest Promoting...

And some other stuff that you probably don't care much about.

Here's something to buy your forgiveness:




It worked didn't it.?

Friday, February 18, 2011

Joe's YouTube acting debut...

This is a promotional video we did for the Film contest GCSA is doing. It didn't turn out as high quality as I'd hoped, but Joe spoke and Malu danced, so what more do you want?

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

These are a few of my favorite things...

I have been planning this post for a long time, and I am glad that I can start putting a few of my favorite things up for you to appreciate.
This will be the first of several posts on this subject.
Item #1) My Hula Dancer wallet:

This baby has been with me since the tender age of 15. I got it for free at a yard sale that our local church had to raise money for the Boy Scouts. That was a very profitable yard sale as far as scoring sweet junk goes, but I'll have to list those things at a later date. This wallet is a tri-fold black beauty with features, as you can see, a pretty nifty stitching of a Hula dancer. One of my favorite features of this wallet is that inside it's dependable Velcro fold, there is a pocket with a ZIPPER so that you will never lose your loose change. I once tried a different wallet for a while, but it just wasn't the same. I hope to actually carry money around in this wallet someday...

Item #2) Pantech Jest cell phone:

This is a fairly recent acquisition (less than a year?) and I LOVE it. This phone is the culmination of everything I want in a cell phone. It is small and compact, which I like. It was a full keyboard which has made my texting a delightful and blessed event compared to what it used to be. There is a nice large display for the size of the phone, a decent camera, a track pad with really convenient access to my alarm clock, and some fun politonal ring-tones that I never hear because it is always on vibrate mode. But they are there if I want them. The name Jest is strange, but oddly fitting. All in all, I wish I had another one to replace this one when it reaches it's distant and inevitable demise.

Item #3) My "On a Mission" t-shirt:

My beloved sister, who used to like me more than everyone else (or so I'd like to think), was an amazing package sender when I was on my mission. This is truly one of her gifts, and I have her to thank for many a Soft Batch cookie and pop-tart. One of the reasons that mi hermana was so great a package sender was that she included lenghtly letters, (often super dated but awesome nonetheless) toys, (such as a lightsaber), and even clothes. And here we arrive at the favorite item: my 'On a Mission' T-shirt. I don't know where she found it, but it is splendid. I used to work at a Utah State Park, which requires employees to wear a brown uniform. At first I detested this. But over time, I found that I couldn't help myself and every subsequent clothing purchase (and lets be honest, there weren't many before I got married) involved accruing yet more brown attire. So the solid brown of the t-shirt spoke straight to my heart. Then there was the text, which thought was immensely cleaver because, ... well, ... you know. This t-shirt ranks in the top five of my all time favorite t-shirts, and has the distinction of being the only one that is still staving off a threadbare demise.

Item #4) My Lifeguard travel backpack:

THIS BACKPACK IS AWESOME!!!
Ask anybody.
I REALLY wish I had another one because all good things must come to an end and I will probably weep like a child when this article bites the dust.
I found this gem in Peru in what is called a 'Cachina'. Picture a yardsale/handicraft fair vomited choatically around a busy Peruvian street in the degraded sty that is Juliaca and you might have a fair idea of what a cachina is like. You can find all kinds of interesting stuff, but on this day I was determined to replace a backpack that I had purchased earlier at another cachina that had literally disintegrated. I vowed that I wasn't going to by one of the flashy looking cheaply made bags, but that I would hunt until I found something that would last. When I finally laid eyes on this baby, I was tired of looking and I figured that even a heavily used canvas backpack would be better than anything else I could find. After paying the roughly $4 that it cost, I launched into what was become a never-ending honeymoon with this backpack. Seriously, this thing is possibly bulletproof, holds a shocking amount of stuff thanks to the drawstring top, and is shabby enough looking that I never worried about attracting undue thief notice. I bought the patches of the Peru and Chile flags, and patches of the Punisher symbol and another of Darth Vader and paid a shoe repair guy (also found where ever there are cachinas) to use some hardcore thread to sew them on. That whole operation cost me about 12 bucks. Than I paid a seamstress in Arequipa to shore up the holes and worn spots for about 4 dollars. So for a grand total of $20 I have a faithful companion that has accompanied me to both of my subsequent returns to S. America and has more personality than I can describe. If Indiana Jones had a backpack, ... this would be better than his. This backpack could dodge a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick, it's that amazing.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Sweat is a sweet last name.

There have been many over the course of my life to comment on my surname. I have had people mock it, and praise it. In elementary school my parents had the unfortunate penchant to dress me in sweat pants and sweat shirts, which was basically inviting ridicule. Maybe they were trying to teach me an important life lesson, or maybe they were oblivious. Either way, I wasn't big on sweats until college and I rediscovered the joy of elastic waistbands. When I was young, I was also examined rigorously by my peers to determine whether or not I sweated more than was socially permissible. Needless to say I was a big proponent of antiperspirant, even before the free miniature Old Spice that was divied out in 5th grade maturation class.

Later on, people would intentionally mispronounce it in order to avoid offending me if they were wrong. They mostly say "sweet" rather than sweat, which is amusing but gets old. It is a good screen for tele-marketers though, so I guess there is balance in all things.

Finally, during my mission the "SW" together gave the Latins fits with pronunciation. There aren't any words in Spanish that feature the W anyway and so my name-tag caused general stammering and uncomfortableness. Basically, for all you Spanish speakers out there, the pronunciation works best (Su-et).

Despite all of the issues my surname has caused throughout the years, I am proud of it. There aren't a whole lot of us, and I am glad of that. It originates in England, and we even have a sweet (or Sweat) coat of arms. Check it out here:
http://www.4crests.com/sweat-coat-of-arms.html

So, I'm a Sweat. Wanna fight about it?

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Weather permitting

Well,
This was supposed to be an awesome post. But the lack of sunshine is cramping my style, therefore, it's going to be sub par. Although you undoubtedly are wondering what was going to be great about it, I can't tell you. You'll just have to turn in next week.

My favorite brother in law recently purchased me a copy of Star Craft 2. I think he just wants somebody to play with, but there you are.

Dancing: I am going to be dancing in the BYU Fiesta show in March. I will be dancing a Brazilian dance, and dang, it's fast. Also, as the newly appointed Publicity Chair for Global Citizens for Study Abroad (long I know), I am going to convince a bunch of poor zoobies to be in a baliwood style video to promote an international film contest. It should be fun, and how can you not want to do something like that after seeing this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vRC4QrUwo9o

That little kid is cute btw.

Anywho, other than that go look at the dark, serious, political underbelly of sleepmuch8 by clicking on the political rants tab.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Introducing Push Button Podium

Well, I did it, I launched the political blog. If you are interested in that kind of thing, (and you really should be), go check it out. There is a link on the side and if you are old fashioned, you can find it at www.pushbuttonpodium.blogspot.com.
All you need to know about it is over there, so go check it out.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Urinal Etiquette


Today I had an experience that reminded me of something that I've wanted to bring up for a while now, and it happened in the men's room in the university library. For all of you sick and twisted people that read this, it is nothing sick or twisted, so read on. The event was what I consider to be a chief restroom faux pas, and the subject is Urinal Etiquette.

This is what happened:
I was standing in front of the far urinal (more on this momentarily), doing my thing, when another guy enters and approaches a urinal to relieve himself. Now, this is what you would expect an average Joe to do when entering a bathroom, but the problem was this: even though there were three vacant urinals, he chose the one RIGHT NEXT TO ME!

Now, for some of you, this may not be a big deal, and, truth be told, it isn't. However, there needs to be a general outlining of what I consider to be commonly observed rules that every guy should know instinctively. For those that don't know what these are, here are ten rules to pee by:

1) When approaching the urinal wall where one is being used, always choose the one that gives you the MOST distance from one currently in use. This is not just so you can feel comfortable about personal space and whatnot, but it is just d*** weird if you go right next to someone when you had the option not too.

2) When approaching the line of urinals, if you are the only one, choose the furthermost from the door and/or sinks. This will ensure that, even though it is highly unlikely that anyone will see your 'self'(or even looking), there will be even less of a possibility of this occurring. This phobia of other dudes sneaking a peek has much to do with rule number one as well.

3)When there are no available urinals, preferable to starting a line, use the stall. (contrary to popular practice, you can go number one just as easily as at a urinal, be advisedyou need to follow the same procedures you normally would, "if you tinkle... and all that")

4)In the event that ALL available urine depository units are occupied, you may form a line. In keeping with rule number 2, this should be furthermost from the door, and has the double sense of enabling you to access a stall should that be the first opening. ***MOST IMPORTANT*** is that you leave at least 4 feet of space between you an the guy you are waiting on. A personal note: one time at Lagoon, I was placed in the line situation and when I finally got to a urinal, the enormous black guy(not being racist, just descriptive) crowded to a mere half a foot away from me and proceeded (I imagine) to stare at my operation. Needless to say, it was an awkward situation. Not cool. Leave some space.

5) Don't look to either side. It is unnerving when you can tell from your peripheral vision that some dude is staring at you. Considering that there are good odds that dude is probably doing the same thing you are, this is just plain weird. Just keep your eyes lowered and focus on the task at hand... (heh heh). If there is a flyer or some other reading material at eye level or higher, it is OK and even expected that you read it; but not if it is over the adjacent stall, and certainly not if you have to crane your neck to see it a few stalls away.

6) Talking is unacceptable. In fact, humming, singing, eating, reading (magazine or book) and cell phone use (yes, even hands free technology) is strictly prohibited. This is one of the most violated rules, but also one of the most important. Only two buddies who know each other well can have a joking discussion while attending to bathroom business, and only if nobody else is present. If someone should enter, all conversation must cease. I suppose you can tell your good friends from your acquaintances by whether or not you can talk to them while taking care of restroom matters.

7) No excessive shaking. The Good Charlotte song of yesteryear, The Anthem gives you a good rule of thumb.

8) Don't put one hand up and lean on the wall. Actually, don't do anything strange. No sudden movements, no leaning, no spitting, no noises. Aside from the fact that men are notoriously poor multitaskers and this will place you in jeopardy of missing the target, this will tempt other urinal users to break rule # 5. Causing others to break the rules is nearly as deplorable as breaking them yourself.

9) Flush. This seems like a fairly standard protocol, but you'd be surprised at how many like to gun and run. Perhaps a violation of rule number five spooked them...

10) Wash your hands afterwards. Duh. But remember that just because you are free of the urinal yourself, you are still bound not to look at those less fortunate who are still otherwise engaged- rule #5 logic still applies.


Well, there you have it. I have had some interesting experiences going number one in my life, and can truthfully say that these are rules to live by. Once when I was a door to door salesman, I went in broad daylight while balanced awkwardly over a sewer grate. This was a desperate situation of course, but it was also rather hilarious. That job actually caused a few notable mishaps, such as the enclosed porch incident and the street lamp in the dark incident. That reminds me, Peru was a wealth of humor in that department. Aside from the drunken guys engaged in public urination (which caused Gluch and I coin the term "shleevy shleeve"), there are also urinals in the strangest places or in odd configurations. For example, the bus terminal in Arequipa has a eye level window that has no pane and looks out directly to the sidewalk and parking lot that runs the length of the bank of urinals.
And here is one of the more interesting middle of the street urinals in Tacna that I took a picture of (this was less than a block away from a house I lived in for 3 months while I was there).

But I digress...
Lest you think that these are just the deranged ramblings of one disgruntled urinator, I am inclined to direct you to a very informative post that a colleague in the blogosphere wrote that further develops the concepts outlined in rules 1 and 2: Urinal Protocol Vulnerability

Need even more alternative sources? Well, after about five clicks, I found that I am not the only proponent of Urinal Etiquette. Here are some important links to review:
Breaking the Unspoken Rule
How Men Pee In Urinals
The Rules of Urinal Etiquette

And, if you you really want to get serious about investigating the subject, visit:
The International Center for Bathroom Etiquette