Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Orem... How you task me.

Dear City of Orem,



I am writing this letter to inquire as to why there are no 7-11's in your city. Is there any particular reason that this is the case? I LOVE 7-11. Sure they buy their gas from that socialist hole Venezuela, but lots of gas stations do that. And besides, who goes there for the gas? I am very irate that I have to go to either Provo or Lindon to procure a glorious Slurpee or a Bahama Mama, not to mention Taquitos. As a city employee, but more importantly as a concerned citizen, I demand to be heard. There is no way a Holiday, a few Cheverons, or even the poor man's 7-11 known as Maverick can replace the "Sev". Basically, you suck Orem. I am daily in your streets, boiling in 95+ degree weather, and with which icy and delicious beverage am I to quench my thirst? To what delightful green, orange and red sign am I to look too, gleaming on the horizon, as a beacon of hope? None. No 7-11. The shame. There are places in Salt Lake where two 7-11's share a parking lot. State street in Salt Lake is a literal gauntlet of 7-11's, and it offendes to the core that U of U fans cheerfully slurp away at their Slurpee's while I must make due with ICEES! I will not stand for it! WE will not stand for it! We demand that you bring 7-11 back. (Consequently, I know of a prime abandoned spot on Orem Blvd and Center St. that would be GREAT, the only thing there right now are weeds). Measure not the quality of life by the number of parks, schools, police stations, or museums in your city, but rather by the number of 7-11's. By this standard, even PROVO is
3 times > Orem. How do you sleep at night knowing that? I close this epistle with one last humble appeal to your empathy: Please, for me, for the people, for the betterment of all, do what is right and put a 7-11 in sight.




Dry throated and hungry,



Stewedslacker

1 comment:

politicchic6 said...

Is this because you missed free slurpee day?